matt, liz, and madeline

I recently started on a hunt for other father-focused blogs.  I thought to myself, “If you are going to write one, it is a really good idea to read them as well.  If you hope to be supported, you should also support.”

Yesterday my google search’s first hit was matt, liz and madeline, and I must say I was so drawn in that my search for that day ended there, and I have bookmarked it (I don’t bookmark anything).

The life of Matt and Madeline has changed drastically in only 17(ish) months, all which started when his wife (Liz) passed away one day after giving birth to Madeline.  I will not try to summarize his feelings or his writings, they speak for themselves.  What drew me in was his ability to take this devastating loss and turn it into something that could be called nothing less than amazing.  His optimism, dedication, and unwavering love is a testament to fathers worldwide.  I hope you will check out his page, I promise you won’t be disappointed.

To Matt:  If you should ever read this, or even if you don’t.  Thank you for not only being a great father, but for sharing your story with the world.  I will continue to follow you and give you support from afar.

Once again, thank you for choosing Intentional Father, and your children.

Back to School

It is that time of year again, the time parents love and children loathe.  That’s right…

BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!

This year was a big one for us.  Our oldest is moving to middle school and our middle child going into 1st grade.  I must say, hidden behind the excitement, my wife and I were both very nervous for them.    Needless to say, all went well, and they were actually excited to go back to school today!

While we are happy to have them back in school (not because we won’t miss them), this also marks the beginning of an extremely busy time for us.  As if 3 kids and a dog wasn’t enough, my wife starts her classes and night work schedule this week as well.

Busy is an understatement.

To make this transition, and the coming months easier, our family has had to become very organized.  Charts, lists, and schedules abound.  I am not a schedule/calendar person.  I hate scheduling everything, so this particular portion of the transition has been particularly hard for me.  I am, on the other hand, a tech-wanna-be.    So I have found ways to make this transition more tech savvy for myself, while still useful for the whole family.

In the next few posts, I will highlight some ideas that we have utilized to make the most of our time, please feel free to comment and let everyone know your ideas too.

Thank you for choosing Intentional Father, and your children.

Restart

I started this blog awhile ago, hoping to change my fathering experiences into thoughtful educational experiences for other fathers.  I wanted to use evidence based research from renowned educational institutions to back me up on all of my theories.

Obviously that didn’t go well.  It isn’t that the research isn’t out there; rather, being a father of 3, working full-time, with a wife that is working part-time and pursuing her masters degree, really doesn’t lend much time for research.

On the other hand, is there any better research or evidence based process than actual hands on experiences?  I mean, come on, I’m a father.  Why not just use my experiences, and through those experiences, maybe I’ll help someone.  Or maybe someone will be able to relate.  Or maybe it will do nothing more than provide a platform for me to talk.

Whatever happens, I hope you will continue to read.

Thank you for chosing Intentional Father, and your children.

Discipline

If you are anything like me, disciplining your child is not tops on your list.  However at times it is necessary, and we know as fathers, our jobs aren’t always fun. (I would rank this right up top with taking in for shots.)

Here is some advice from www.fatherhood.org

Discipline Without Being a Bad Guy

You know your children need discipline – kids actually crave rules and structure – but how do you guide their behavior without seeming like a “bad guy”? Here are some basic discipline principles that will help you successfully nurture and guide your children – and not feel like a total meanie.

Understand why discipline is important. Many parents feel “mean” when they have to lay down rules and then follow through with consequences – especially when children are protesting. It’s important to remember that no matter how much they cry, whine, and scream, your kids need discipline and rules. This guidance teaches them important principles, and helps them learn how to handle their emotions – and it shows your children that you love them.

Get a partner in crime. If only one parent takes on the responsibility of discipline, that parent is bound to feel like the bad guy. Make sure you are on the same page with your child’s mother. This also allows you to establish consistent rules for your kids, which is very important.

Always explain the discipline to your child. Discipline is meant to guide your child and to teach a lesson. It’s essential that you explain to your child why they have to sit in a time out or give up TV. It’s the lesson that you teach them through the discipline that is most important.

Follow with love. Never end with the discipline; always end with love and affirmation. Hug your child, show her affection, and let her know that you are disciplining her because you love her. Not only are you affirming her, you’re also setting a good example.

As a parent, it’s guaranteed that your children will tell you you’re mean or protest as you discipline them. Always keep in mind why it’s important to give them rules and guidance, and carry out any discipline in love.

The last part here is huge, ending with love.  Make sure your child knows they are not bad as a person, they have just made a bad decision, and even adults make bad decisions.  What counts is that we learn from these decisions.

Thank you for choosing Intentional Father, and your children.

Movies

One of our favorite nights as a family is movie night. Whether it be at the theaters or at home in our p.j.’s, we love to watch movies.

It can be hard at times, however, to find a movie that is good for the entire family. Our children like to use the ratings to their advantage, however sometimes the ratings are a bit loose for our families taste. My wife and I try to research movies as much as possible before allowing our children to watch them.

Try this website for movie reviews that are true to the family mindset. They break down the profanity, violence, and more adult times in the movies.

http://www.kids-in-mind.com/

p.s.- A little hint for the movie ratings. When our children try to use them as an argument, or say there is only a “little” inappropriateness in the movie, my wife and I like to use a little story we heard from Pastor Greg Laurie:

I heard a wonderful example recently. A father was having the usual argument with his children about some TV show or movie or music or something. He didn’t like it and they thought that it was OK. It wasn’t really “hurting” them although they knew there were immoral and violent parts in it.

The next day he made their favorite brownies but before serving it, he let them know that he had put a tiny speck of dog poop in it. Certainly it was only a tiny bit and it wouldn’t really be a problem. But as you would expect, they wouldn’t even touch it, even though it was just a tiny speck of dog poop.

Gross.. yeah.. but true.  Like a little bit of poo will pollute the brownies, a little bit of those inappropriate times can also pollute your children.

Thank you for choosing Intentional Father, and your children.